Crossovermychest.

2012-02-16T17:35:00.002+08:00

kebelakangan ni, kepala kosong. aku tak tahu apa sebenarnya patut aku buat. selalu hidup dalam keadaan yang keliru tapi aku masih berfikir apa yang baik untuk aku. aku siap sedia untuk menghadapi risiko dalam hidup ini. dulu pernah tengok ayat ni, "tak salah berkorban untuk perkara yang baik, kelak masa depan aku mungkin Allah swt ada perancangan yang lebih baik" aku sanggup tinggalkan apa yang aku nak selama ini untuk keluarga aku, kebaikan aku juga. tak semesti apa yang kita nak, semua kita boleh dapatkan. benda mungkin bukan sekarang, insyaAllah mana tahu satu hari nanti. hidup bukan hanya disini, aku percaya akan datang hidup aku di alam lain yang telah Tuhan janjikan pada umat manusia yang hidup di dunia ini. kita akan mati dan akan ke alam lain pula. itu sebab tak salah, dan tak mengapa kalau kita tidak dapat apa kita nak sekarang, satu hari nanti pasti. aku lihat semua orang bercita-cita tinggi. aku pun salah seorang dari nya, cuma aku tak berapa mengejar-gejar. aku lebih kepada manusia yang memilih untuk hidup sederhana. aku tidak mengejar keduniaan, aku tak pasti apa yang aku nak ada dalam dunia ini sebab di sini hanya sementara, aku mengejar perkara yang kekal seperti mana aku belajar dalam Tasawwur Islam masa sekolah dulu. Bukan aku nak cakap aku ni bagus sangat. cuma ini aku, aku lebih suka hidup sederhana. aku tak nak lalai seperti dulu, cuma sekarang aku ingin berubah satu demi satu. kita manusia biasa, kita bukan senang nak berubah sekelip mata, semua perkara mengambil masa yang lebih. jadi aku rasa, aku ingin tinggalkan apa yang patut untuk seketika dan lakukan perkara yang patut dan mencari nafkah untuk keluarga aku. aku nak mummy hidup senang, aku nak daddy tak marah-marah akan diri dia, aku nak adik aku masuk universiti, aku nak kakak aku dapat perkerjaan yang bagus, InsyaAllah. Allah swt Maha Besar dan Maha Mengetahui segalanya. Aku sebagai hambaNya yang sepatutnya mengubah nasib dan takdir sendiri, bukan menunggu "bulan jatuh ke riba" aku berharap satu hari nanti, aku dapat berubah menjadi orang yang lebih baik dari sekarang. Amin

2012-02-14T17:35:00.000+08:00

Like what I see in facebook nowadays, our people love to make fun and talk bad things about our own country and published it on facebook. BUT I don't see any FOREIGN country put up their bad issue happened in facebook, your "CONCERNS" just make our country look bad and it shows that we're no good. But REALITY is look what you get actually, so much facilities given but you're nagging and bragging like you left with nothing. Fuck you people. Don't know how to appreciate. You should be thankful because you live in this peace country, without hearing any sounds of bomb and machine gun like what happened in Middle East. Allah swt still give us chance to live and enjoy what He create for us, but it seems that it gone to wrong place. I'm a daughter, sister, girl, women, friend, just human being. So what i've is what i treasure

2012-02-13T12:06:00.000+08:00

in dying to get skinny, le sigh. i know its hard to lose up till 10 kgs, but who knows right. probably i could. blerghhh yeah rightt. definitely stoked for March, because!

2nd March - Foo Fighters Live at Singapore (But couldn't make it for em. le sigh :"( hm )
10th March - Underoath Live in KL Live (TICKET BOUGHT ALREADY!)
17th - 18th March - Restraint Show at Johor Bahru & Singapore
27th March - Last day of working in current workplace

So there you have it, i've listed and quite okay with it hihi !

2012-01-24T19:14:00.000+08:00

hm reaching 20's. somehow, in my mind i think i need to find new place to stay. i just want to stay in peace and no one there's to interrupt in any shit i do, did or done. i gave up in everything, new face are just in needed right now. i want to live in free

2012-01-18T16:42:00.000+08:00

yesterday adik tua went home, just for a day. he stayed at my home, i was sleeping at that time. he has his supper with my mum, dad and tory. amboi, bakal menantu kononnya. so in early morning, he sent me to office and we had our breakfast and he fetched me. we went to pavillion and got me a drink at starbuck. le bois work there were so friendly. i wish i could work in starbuck. wearing all black, yikes!

later on we head back home and afwn has his dinner at my home and siap-siap ke kuantan balik. but he'll be back in anytime soon. I hope he could finish up his work faster. amin :)

2012-01-16T16:18:00.000+08:00

mum and dad finalized, they said that i probably might get married in anytime soon. probably next year, hm insyaAllah if jodoh gua dengan dia sampai akhirat, gua pejam mata dan terima seadaanya. like abang syed said to me, it's okay to get married in young age, at least i could raise my children in very young age and soon when i'm old, i wouldn't be worried. i want to change for something good and alhamdulilah God gave me a way. Thanks Allah swt. at least, i could left everything and shit that i've done. to forget everything i did before. i know it's a big step in my life, but that's the best for me. eventhough i'm married, i could go and further my studies and get good job. i don't need to think about other guy anymore. i could have my own life with my new family.

so last friday, went to Foster The People show at Kuala Lumpur Convention Centre. It was okay for me, i'm no a big fans. They had their press conference and stayed at our hotels. Managed to see em but didn't get the chance to take photos with em. Le sigh but it's okay. They're not Underoath! lolz
I just know 2 songs from em album. The crowd was damn got so much hipster there. Beautiful girl in le crowds but men, they're really got so much energy, singing and jumping all over places. i was soaking in le crowds and those people just don't know le meaning of TIRED. i was tired because i head over there from my office. so yeah, shit. couldn't breathe because those girls kept on pushing to get em self in front and some of em didn't use deodorant. --" shizzzz

afwn been in kuantan for almost a week and he'll be back on this Saturday, hm lambatnya adik tua kita nak balik. But fun thing is, i couldn't wait for Dinie coming back from Kedah and afwn from Kuantan. This Sunday, we're gonna be gather along. Trip to Port Dickson! Yeay! Hopefolly le plan goes well :)

2012-01-09T12:11:00.000+08:00

you cannot ask for everything to get right when things just aren't meant to be in your way. there's a time where we feel down and feel there's no one care to reach out, well you should think at that time you're the one that who should help yourself, not others. not supposed to rely on others, clear things out by our own. InsyaAllah, everything will be just fine.

last Saturday, i online my skype. chatted with iexat, he confessed about his feeling towards me and i told him that i'm no interest in relationship. he loves me and he misses me. hm i don't know really what to talk about, i just said "okay, but i just cannot. i need my times. i don't want any headache and heartache" not anymore. i'm afraid to take one step in it. At the same time, shzrn buzzed me on skype. had little conversation. we didn't speak anything that got thing to do with our past relationship, good thing both of us move on. Alhamdulilah. no feeling at all. no more.

2012-01-06T11:56:00.000+08:00

OKAY, i'm very much missing my long lock. a bit regret in cutting em :( it took 2 years half for me to let em grew. i cut it for the sake of illness that i had before. too hard for me to wash my hair back then. BUT i can feel that my hair is growing, teehee not bad at all. i've always having this "bad hair day" case when i washed my hair in early morning and POM! kembang nauzubillabilazim.

this is how i look now, my collagues said i look much younger when i cut em. haish but still need long hair, can selimut my badan with em. geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzz

2012-01-04T17:15:00.000+08:00

sometimes, i just feel his presence in my house. probably his sweat shirt i guess, i just need to get rid off those shits. i'm happy to see him having his girlfriend in his life, i know he has start new life. i never want to hold grudge to others, just that i don't want to see em both faces infront me. i couldn't bare those shits and i admit that i've done big mistakes in meeting him. i'm no scared in starting new life with the same peoples that i met before, it just that i'm not ready for any obstacles. it just too hard for me to let go, again. i love to start something new with afwn but i can't. i'm not ready for any relationship, i just need time for myself. mum asked me if afwn has enough money and ask me to marry him. Mum! I'm not ready for marriage, too fast. i still need time to enjoy my life. i know he's nice men and accept me for who i am but i still need time. i just need space. that's all i need. i've been living for other peoples, why not for once i live for mine?

please help with this dear God, i've always pray to you. Show me a sign. I know there's still got lot more to go for me to discover. I live in fast lane and its hard for me to cope up with everything surrounding me. Ya Allah, ampunilah segala dosaku.

2011-12-28T17:08:00.000+08:00

here's thing. i'm trying to color my hair and well i was thinking about color em to red but it didn't turns out on how it was plan. le sigh i think i need to meet up with le professional person. i just don't want to bleach my hair because it'll make the hair more haywire. do not want that, so i guess i need to save up some money, and go to saloon and ask em which color suitable for my skin. i had enough black dull one. ergh yuck -..-

2011-12-27T14:19:00.000+08:00

sitting on my chair, hugging my soft pillow and wondering what to do. i've try to do some work, and all of em done in a second. it's end of the month and just around the corner hitting new year. so we got no work to do, not as much as before. nowadays, no event. got free time to sitting and lay back like a bawse. shiet. this boring, big time! what i do is checking on twitter, facebook, tumblr and google. try to find something new and i'm thinking about getting new hair color, maybe red. dark brownish red? is it okay? hish. argh dillema. ask afwny first if i could get new hair color, hihi :D

2011-12-26T04:35:00.000+08:00

i'm really sure that no one really do read my blog and that's why i just put up and write whatever i want, so i could let go what i have in my head for all these times. i'm no good in controlling my temper and mum has been mad at me about it in many times. that's my nature. i just spit things out without having any patience and yes in the end, lost everything. for now, i just do my own thing and do the same routine. in weekend, go out with friends, spend time with em. having fun at show, keep em company. i had fun although sometimes i'm just faking it. how am i suppose to go out and have fun without regret? just that, what i did in past does haunt me. really, no joke. when i go some of place, it keep reminds me of someone i had share life with before. even for a second, minute, hour, month, it still stay strong in back of my mind. i just wanna things get easy. please, let it go puts. just let it go, time flies and i know i'll be just fine. it just that, i'm not ready for any commitment. please understand me in this.

2011-12-20T15:29:00.000+08:00

cocky face

collagues and friends and family and special one told me that i lost weight despite of i've been sick for 1 week and half. it's quite okay for me, so they said better to maintain lah ze weight or maybe lose some. yeah, sure i'll try. hopefully. so i got myself new haircut and it cost me rm60 and afwn whose paid it. thanks afwn for the treat. for time being, everything goes well on my side. syukur. everythings turns out more relax no rush, no more drama and it keeps me in good mood. i'm bless.

2011-12-07T14:51:00.000+08:00

11 months of waiting, 1 month for being together but 1 day of letting go of him. I wish he could be in good condition and stop looking back. all we had in 1 month was all good but we're just not meant to be together anymore. i'm trying to fight my disease. i keep everything secret from him but now he already knows my pain. to that girl, take good care of shzrn. he's still fragile and he needs very good support. let he do what he want in his life, insyaAllah beat by beat he will not think about me anymore.

im very grateful having afwn with me. he's there whenever the time i need. he still accept me for who i am. i've let him down in earlier. i wish that we both could work things out and move forward. afwn who take good care of me and give me strength and pray for me to heal. i've always have faith in Allah swt and i know He always there for me. Ya Allah tuhanku, berikan lah aku peluang sekali lagi. Aku berdoa kepadaMu dan berharap tidak berulang lagi kesilapan lama pernah ku lakukan. Aku bersyukur dan menerima seikhlasnya penyakit ini, aku redha dengan ketentuanMu. Sesungguhnya Engkaulah Maha Pengasih dan Peyayang. Selama ini aku telah banyak melakukan dosa. Aku ingin kembali pada jalan yang benar. Amin.

2011-11-22T10:23:00.000+08:00

birthday passed. alhamdulilah 19 tahun sudah, say whut? 19? yeah yeah. i know out there doesn't really agree and a bit shock when i said that i'm only 19. Probably because of my figure and maturity. i don't know. well thing is, i had real good times with friends, family surrounding me make me feel good enough. thanks dear friends for the gifts, appreciate it so much.

i've always wanna simple life and having it will be more easier for me but i know there's no such thing called easy in this life. bullshieta if you got out easy in everything you do, did and done. i miss having good relationship with everyone, now i let of everything because there's a point when you need to learn to let go of your past and live for good in present. okay done with talking.

i miss my boifriend all the times. it feels so good when he hug me from the back. i could feel the warmth and his heartbeat. well, i wish for good for both of us. insyaAllah.

2011-11-18T13:11:00.000+08:00

second day of pms and everything goes messed. luckily has someone could share my view and thought. mum said better for me to resign since she said that i've been so much stress lately and dealing with people who we hate so much are so not great thing. i dont want to wake up in morning thinking what and why everything goes wrong everytime i did my job. why why? maybe i lose my attention and focus in work because i'm no more interest working in this place, probably. my uncle told my mum that his workplace need a new account person. there's much thing their offer such as a car for travel to ze workplace. nice. maybe i could try and sign up on that. but its quite far a bit, ze place ard putrajaya. only half an hour to reach there. sounds good. i dont mind, i could learn from my auntie since she also work as secretary ard construction company.

fuck my hands shaking, maybe because of the aircond. my left hand turn numb. i hate nagging but i need to sometimes. i pray to God that i could get out from this place in anytime soon.

and pls pls pls, to you a very great stalker. stop doing those shit. i hate it. i have my own life, you have your own life. don't ever interuppt my business. you're having your problem and so do i. pls stop making yourself look bad and hey stop pretending like you're the only one who has sacrifice what and so. fuck you. i don't know you and i'm not your friend. i'm done being nice. you can have him, i don't mind. but we see if you can have him in your way. think wisely, stop being stupid. it just tiny shit and you make thing bigger. i had enough with people like you, selfish brat. you don't know what real life is, and stop being fool. fuck all you.

2011-10-24T12:55:00.001+08:00

Allah swt always with me, somemore He helps me a lot by given me strength and believe to make things right. I've done my decision and I'm so thankful because I had that guts to bash those guys. You sucka got served! Woots! You thought that you could bring me down with your words but watch your step gentlemen because you've messed up with a wrong lady. I don't fallback easily, because I've always hunger for more. I seriously do not want to down grade my standard by making friend with you. Damn Afwn's right about these. Why should I down grade and letting go for what I have for you, somemore to compare you and I, we're so much different. I'm 19 and make friends with people who much older and matured. Unlike you, you just sitting under your mum tits and tryna bash others, talking like you have everything. Oh yah, proud of something that you didn't work out for it. Wooo, shame on you boi. I'm not tryna make things worst, but dude you play with fiyahhh!! I told ya, if you're home or so what. I won't see you at all. I never did this before, but I had enough with you. So please stop with your nonsense. You're not gonna be in our circle. Boooyashakkaaaa!!

2011-10-19T17:14:00.000+08:00

i'm a scorpio girl. so here some info about scorpio females. Dude, please take note. Some of em are really true about me.

If you are not sincere with your feelings, don't even try to get close to a Scorpio girl. With those beautiful, penetrating eyes of hers, she can read exactly what is on your mind. She can easily make out your real intentions, so Don't Flirt. It will amount to insulting her and I assure you, insulting her is not at all good for your health. Even when her tone is soothing, her disposition kind and her smile generous, she can be planning the most powerful retaliation. When a Scorpio woman is insulted or gets hurt, her fury knows no bounds.

Then, she can become the most hard-hearted and most sarcastic person on this earth. If she loves with fierce devotion, she hates with devastating malice. If you are really in love with her, then you need to know more about her. She has a very hypnotic gaze and the moment her eyes meet your, you will go tumbling down in her deep passion. Being noticed by a Scorpio female definitely gives a boost to a man's ego. She needs a man who is stronger than she is and weakness in him won't get her sympathy at all.

He will be expected to behave like a real man, who can dominate her and make her proud. At the same time, he should respect her individuality. He should be better looking than average, with an intellect, philosophical and totally masculine. He must also be ambitious and able to handle tough situation with poise. After she gets committed, a Scorpio female will shower you with all her love and attention. Her whole life will start revolving around you and she will be extremely loyal and exceedingly passionate.

Her personal life will be out of bounds for everyone. At the same time, she will never tell the secrets that have been confided in her, not even to you. Even with you, she will have a private part and its better not to pry. That does not mean she is dishonest. Infact, she will be so brutally honest that, at times, she may hurt people in the process. Like a typical Scorpio, she will choose her friends very carefully and the credible ones will remain with her throughout her life. She will never maintain a relationship with unworthy people.

Now comes the dangerous part. A Scorpio girl is extremely jealous and fiercely possessive of her loved ones. She is prone to suspicions; so don't give reasons to be doubtful of you. On the other hand, you will have to control your jealousy, since she will be attracting a lot of members of the opposite sex. She also dislikes being possessed by anyone, including you. In such a scenario, just remember that a Scorpio woman will always be loyal and devoted to you, even in the worst of circumstances.

And then, you know you cannot leave her and it is better to adjust to such a trifle thing. Nobody walks away from a Scorpio, right? As far as money is concerned, she will enjoy it whether she saves it in a piggy bank or splurges it on luxurious things. She is very conscious of her social standards and will never compromise in case of status. She likes power and will sacrifice money and many other things for it. She seems to be very practical, but inside she is very emotional. Like all Scorpios, she will not see any viewpoint in case of her own emotions.

A Scorpio female has a sense of fairness and justice. If you don't wish her good morning one day after a fight, she will do the same for the next four days. The same goes for generosity also. If you do one kind deed for her, she will do four in return. As a mother, she will extremely possessive of her children and will care for them. However, she may not express her love openly and this is something you will have to teach her. She will make them independent, fair, strong and proud of themselves, the way she is of them. She will encourage them to develop their innate talents and make sure they don't go unnoticed.
A Scorpio woman can drown you in her passion. But then, she can also bring you to safety when the raft becomes too dicey. She can provide you her calm and steady support in the worst of circumstances. Once you win her love, you will never be lonely again. Your food will be perfectly baked and she will grind fresh coffee for you. You will always come back to a spotless home, radiating with the aura of her magnetic personality, the charm of her deep beauty and the warmth of her everlasting love!

2011-10-18T16:19:00.001+08:00

I start to forget and get rid off everything about it. I wish, I beg for you to not making come back by time I've forget about you. It took a lot for me to let things go, waiting for your call/text but it seems never appear on my phone screen. I imagined you call me in the night just what you did before. You told me that you're gonna call me later. Later? Like one week after that, and then you showed up. How am I suppose to live like that? Don't you know. It hurts so much and making me lose hope on everything. To you, is nothing. Effortless, fuck you men.
If you wanna break it, just break but please don't let things hanging. You don't know how you feel to me and I don't know how I feel to you but sometimes when I didn't receive any news from you, it makes my heart ache. Seems like I worth nothing. I feel like I'm the one who chasing over you and I don't want to feel that kinda way. I want to takes thing cool but it turned out different way. Shattered by our daily life, you're busy with your life and same goes mine. I'm the one who trying to save our friendship and you didn't because I don't see it coming. Its tough, way tougher. Maybe we're just friend with benefit. I try not to fall for you but as what you told my sister, you said that I was the one who makes you blur, I come and go anytime I want. Well, we're just the same. So now we don't seen each other. Maybe its good but sometimes, I just miss you.yeah you. Sorry to say that, but yes.

2011-10-13T16:34:00.000+08:00

bismillah banyak-banyak, clear my throat. ehemm ehem. okay here goes, so hello! it's been awhile. i updates my blog whenever i think i'm free to type. okay, life routine changed drastically. i've changed my phone number, and it was one of the best step i did. i'm avoiding from my past because i dont live in there anymore, so right now life more relax to compare before. i don't need to stare at my phone, waiting on text from anon or anon. life's keep me hanging many times. so this time i better get rid off the people who just a waste for me. they're just come and go whenever they want and i DONT like it. so ze anon, IF you reading this, because i bet you dont read anything i wrote here because you don't even give a damn, am i right? right? please please dear close friend, do inbox me your numbers. i think i've lost yours and yours.

i started doing night jog. afwn always there to be my company. he's a very good ex-boyfriend and best friend. i don't know if i could find other guy like him. we go for jogging after work time. its so nice to keep your body fit. okay, nothing write down. so i guess good bye for now, have a pleasant life.

xx

2011-10-11T13:58:00.000+08:00

make friend with your hope and faith. God gave me one chance to live up my life. as i almost this close to fall out and thought about giving up on everything. He gave me guidance and lighten up my life. I try make myself busy with my work, stop thinking about any small things. it worthless. somehow, i'm in mood to start healthy life. don't want to get lazy all the times. fix up and pick up everything shit i did and promise to myself for not do it again.

last saturday, went Rockaway. I had so much fun with my lads and lassies. got free passes. kehkehkeh made my day, don't need to spend money. wakakaka! kk shush. STORY OF THE YEAR and THE USED killed it! I took pictures of Adam Russel from SOTY aka DRUGS bassist. He's cute! I'm hoping one day could see D.R.U.G.S live in KL, they were busy making tours in Australia. Damn, so jealous. But anyhow, the USED has done good job. They sang all my favourite songs and Bert sang "On my own", it turned out beautiful and the same time it was raining. I was touch! I really enjoyed :D Hopefully next year will be more fun

2011-10-07T11:33:00.001+08:00

Almost 1 year now. We fought and make friend again but sad is we never really had opportunity to meet up since you're like miles away from here and I keep telling myself that should keep on waiting for you. The end of this year is just around the corner, you're about to make comeback but I doubt a lot. I was thinking, should I go or should I stay? You never really try find way to convience me.

you and your ego. Kinda make us part away so much. But we'll see. I don't want to put too much hope in this. It breaks my heart too many times. Its hard

2011-10-06T06:48:00.001+08:00

I'm sorry for giving too much fake hopes. Its never what I've planned. I didn't know that I could be a sweet talker, it just happened. I really feel sorry and seek for apologize if I ever hurts y'all feeling with my promises. Reasons what I act that kind of way is because people just come and go in my life. They comes whenever they want, they go whenever they want. I don't realize also if I made the same mistakes. I'm a human, fragile and naïve. Not perfect.

A friend, a good friend and a mother who used to tell me this 'biar orang buat kita, jangan kita buat kat orang lain' it means that, let em do bad thing towards us, but don't let us do bad things to others. Karma will get us in anytime, anywhere. Thing what goes around and comes around really do exist. All we did, we pay the price. Nothings free in this world. Stay true xx

bois bois bois

2011-09-30T11:31:00.001+08:00

I've always be the kinda lay back person when everyone were there. What I mean is I talk when I think I need to talk, when there's no subject/topic to speak up, I'll just remain steady. Personal thing, I share with the people that I really trust. Whatever I do/did behind em back, I will just shush. My duty/responsible/work handle em with ace. I learned from my senior a lot. I don't want to do any mistake anymore, less much than what I did before.

Okay, jump to other story. I wanna meet this guy and tell him that I wanna hold things up. Not for moment, but forever. I just don't want to go on with this anymore, my thought about him constantly change. Beat by beat. Is he wanna take me as a girlfriend or play around? But on the other way around, did I do the same too? I'm wondering. I don't know how to make things not as complicated much like this. See, relationship between boy and girl are total headache.

2011-09-17T03:03:00.000+08:00

sometime i didn't realize whatever i do, it hurts a bit some of these people. i get jealous easily when this guy flirt with this girl but at the same time, i did the same too. so it's fair and square or what? i shouldn't feel jealous right? that's feeling should throw miles away from my heart. i don't confess my feeling. i don't know what he felt towards me. okay, here goes. i do flirt with a lot of guys and i was just make fun of it. i'm not sure if the guys take it for serious. i know, i shouldn't do that way but i don't know how to get away from it. actually the main reason why i did it because i'm not sure which guy really being serious to me. it takes whole lot year for me to get over things like that. i hate it when come to make good decision because i'm sure and pretty sure and confident to say that i'm not good in making decision. I SUCK! big time bro.i'm so nice, and it makes the guys get easily take advantage on myself. i'm fragile. too fragile. now it's time for me to get back to Him. give me the light and please do give me strength.

2011-09-14T18:02:00.000+08:00

my very best buddy, afwn mokhtr. he's there where ever i need a shoulder to cry on. eventhough we're not together but we're still a very good friend. if ada jodoh, who knows. but anyhow, i'm happy for i have and i feel blessed.

2011-09-03T21:23:00.001+08:00

Fucking sore. Men, I got whole lot stalker actually. I got so much people who really 'take good care' of me. I don't even realize that. I'm trying to live up my life but as what I see, I've been control by others. I know I've made lot of mistake but hey I'm not a puppet. I know what I'm doing and seriously with all this fucked up, making me less thinking about living my life. I'm lost in fast lane. Couldn't catch up with what surrounding me. Yeah, I know I'm talking like a person who pissed about her life and yes I am! I'm devestated, frustated and couldn't even moved any muscles. I'm tired on what people saying. I don't live for em. When I got in bad situation, ya wasn't there and not even care. So stay out from my life. Tcd

accident happen at anywhere,anytime.

2011-08-17T15:20:00.000+08:00

dalam sekelip mata, kita dah dekat dengan penghujung 2011. time pass us so quick. next year, i'll turning 20 years old. hmm i'm about to enter another new stage of life. i learned a lot from people who much older than me. this time i think i shouldn't take everything for granted. steady and relax. no rush just hush. i'm thinking about getting new pet. guinea pig? turtles? i mentioned about this in earlier but still cannot make up my mind. so much thing happen surrounding me, so i can't do much thing to myself except wondering by my own. afwn looking for a bassist for his other band, hmm so he thought that if he could train me, i could become one of em. we have only 3 months before the upcoming show on early next year. i need to catch up a bit more. so is it enough 3 months of learning? we didn't even start anything yet. so how?

yesterday, bad things happened to myself. i was in my way heading back home. i took train and before that, i walked from my workplace till station hang tuah. as soon as i reached there, i saw Dhia, one of my colleagues. so we had chit chat and talking about our work and bla bla bla. Once i reached at Bandar Tun Razak station, my head started to spining around. I thought i was dreaming and something talking to myself, at the moment i thought i was sleeping. Finally, i realize that i was black out. I lie down on the floor, and i saw there's a auntie who pulling my hands and asked me if i okay? i smiled and said yah i'm okay but i couldn't see anything. i was blind and couldn't see a thing. my body started to shaking and my hands cracking, cramped. I was sweating like water fall, no joke! but luckily there's a chinese and indian women who helped me out. She hold my hand and feel my pulse, my blood in low pressure. The indian women lend me her handphone and i call my sister, asked her to get my dad here and there's a pak cik asked me if he should call ambulance, and i was like no u don't need to. I could walk by my own. At the same time, Tory call me and asked me where am i and blablabla, i couldnt answer her call because i was weak. Haih it was hectic and i seriously don't want the same think happen again. lucky there's people who willing to help, if not i might be left there lying on the floor with no help. Thanks Allah swt

nu breax

2011-08-15T18:07:00.001+08:00

Ehem, i forgot to mention that as you can see I got new layout for my blog. hope you guys out there willing to read my very so much pathetic story. lol anyhow have great Ramadhan to all muslims and insyaAllah we'll make it through along this month :)

do ask me anything you love/like .
http://www.formspring.me/putsyben

keep down

2011-08-15T12:54:00.000+08:00

There's a girl who stalked my page and looked and gone through all my conversation between me and this guy. I was quite shock when I received call from my sister, she told me that this girl randomly add my friend's facebook and told him to warned me and stay away from this guy. Maybe she's trying to help me out or I don't know. If yes this guy has bad intention towards me, anyhow I think it is. I'm not sure what to do right now. I've been through same thing for the fourth times! Ahh tired :( Why are they do this to me? Why cannot let me be with my own? I should just let it be or what?

tracking for truth

2011-08-05T12:29:00.000+08:00

i wish i could go for vacation or something because i need some mental space to clear all the thing that been hanging in my mind all this time. it's so hard for me to let it out.nowadays, i keep everything to myself. afraid of what people think about me. life thrill me in many ways. i really wish i didn't even meet and know them who hurt me in the past. to me, they're dead. i hate me with my negative thought. it'll never get over because i'm not afraid taking the risk but i'm afraid of the failure. I knew from the moment i stepped off from the relationship, i'll be in misery for many times. i try so many things to let go of everything but letting is seem so hard for me. it tough, way tougher. will you ever imagine how does it feel when you started to do the same thing but without the same person you've been before? i tryna to live my own life without any helps out there. i try to be independent so i don't need to rely on anybody and because of my huge ego, i lost everything. sooner or later, i know everything's gonna be okay, but how soon? another 10 years ahead? i know, this is one of the challenge i've to get thru. shouldn't nagging for small thing because out there, there's people who had more worst situation i've been now. i should just pray to Allah and thanks to Him because right now, i still can breath and live under my parent't house.

where's the answer?

2011-08-03T21:48:00.000+08:00

Ramadhan has been the most bless month ever. I had fun eventho i'm kinda bit tired with work somemore. In fact, early morning I've to walk from Station Hang Tuah - PARKROYAL. It takes about like 15 minutes walking. All the way there, I've always mash up my mind with thinking. I torture myself. I need my own time but it seems that they don't understand. Keep on pushing myself to the edge and making me feel really upset for what i've done in ze past. I know I've done too much thing that hurt y'all feeling but you know what, taking care of others feeling will make you more stress and intense. How I wish I was THAT harsh, so I could push all the way the feeling that I had, confusion and lack of self-reminder. hmm maybe I should go for reading or something, so I could release all the tension. Somemore, the worst part of my life is letting go the person that I loved and seeing him happy with his life. Continue my journey with person who cares about me, but do I care about him? hmm to be true, I'm trying make him feel happy without thinking about what do I feel about him. Love? Hate? I don't know. Still need the answer. I try to not live in guilty. Maybe I'm young, I cannot figure things wisely. Maybe because I can predict my future, i can foresee everything without failed. I learned too much things till I don't even know where I should go. I hope Allah swt listen to what my heart saying, because without You, i'm nothing.

2011-07-14T10:21:00.003+08:00

God tell me what's going on? Am I too blind to see it coming or afraid knowing the truth behind it? To admiting things will never be the same, probably the most hardest part for me to accept. I shall required more moral support from every each people who have been part of life, including my worst past. I've thinking too much sampai banyak uban kat kepala ni. Some of friends tegur and want to pluck my silver hair. No no no! Don't! It'll grow and gets more haywire. So instead of plucking, better leave it. I didn't have much sleep, somemore sleep and dreaming it'll makes our brain bit tired. Every morning, I'll be so blur. Keep on yawn, cakap 'ngantuklah' non stop!! Haih weekend spent with friends, so bila nak ada masa rehat yang betul?

no word can describe

2011-07-11T17:22:00.001+08:00

Saturday spent with family somemore didn't feel like wanna go out. With riot,roadblock and so much made me feel like better stay at home, enjoy my weekend with sleep. We were planning to meet up with Tom on saturday but failed. Because keadaan tidak mengizinkan but me,Ishad,Afwan,Anxp,Muiz,Pali,Aron went to Rawang to visit him on Sunday. It was nice to see him and we're so glad. Alhamdulilah ;) we pray to Allah swt,hope he will stay healthy

2011-07-07T12:10:00.001+08:00

My lips so dry, my shoulder sore. My hair smells nice, and perfume that I bought is worth to buy. Some of people loves it, hehe ;) and I'm updating my blog in toilet. Auntie housekeeping confirm pelik asal ada orang dok lama-lama kat toilet hujung ni. Steadyy ah makcik, we're friends kan kan kan? aduh rasa nak gelak dgr makcik accent jowo ni but she's nice. I wanna go off to lunch, perut lapar ;(

dont get me wrong

2011-07-05T23:31:00.001+08:00

Actually, I wasn't intend to please every guy in my life. Things just happened without I realize how idiot I was. I've been in vulnerable situation. I just let em do whatever they wanted to. I don't have anyone to talk with. Nowadays, whenever they try to advise me, I will get mad easily and my thoughts of them that they're against me. But on the other hand, they were trying to help me out from everything that could harm myself. I should've listen from earlier because I won't be end up like these. Now, I live in regret. At this age, I shouldn't get through this. Too tough men, so tough.

every man lives by his own truth and idiot can have faith and they all do

2011-07-05T10:56:00.001+08:00

I've been in hardest part of life and trying to have faith on what I started and tried not to lose focus. But I keep on thinking how I end up with this some kinda mess which is really torture me. I wish my friends here,so I could have someone or what so to talk with. I've been keeping everything in myself, and it hurts so bad. I give up upon life

July please be good to us all

2011-06-26T18:28:00.000+08:00

Its been 2 months haven't update my blog, but anyhow hello hello! Somehow, June has been the hardest month for me. I've been in upside down, my friends caught in some issue. He's in treatment right now, I hope and pray to Allah swt, sembuhkan lah hamba mu secepat mungkin. InsyaAllah. To the dearest friends, wish we could gather along like we did before. I know, i'm sure the time will comes, amin.

humming bird

2011-05-05T22:00:00.000+08:00

been surrounded by someone who careless about you will make you feel a bit disappointed about life. I try to approach my friends but i feel so shy and ego. Its not that i don't want, but we don't know what we wanna talk about. Blank like in atmosphere. I miss someone and i don't know who's the one for me. Maybe now its quite early for me to get in serious business i guess. But i'm waiting for this guy, i don't mind if i've to wait for a year, I know patient is virtue. To you dekat benua Aussie tu, tipu lah i tak fikir pasal you.

unsigh

2011-04-27T21:32:00.000+08:00

internet kat rumah laju sangat, selaju babi mengondol tahi di lumpur. Pukipak nya lembab. Dekat office lak, budak IT dah block FACEBOOK, cantik sangat lah perangai kau tu. CIBAI! Sabar sabar, ada duit nanti, aku kumpul-kumpul *Dalam mimpi je lah tu kau nak kumpul duit puts oi!* Aku beli laptop sendiri, broadband sendiri dan aku katakan YA kepada YES broadband. Dorang kata laju, tapi yang penat nya ada lah, ada kerja nak membeli topup tiap minggu, and dia bukan yang un-limited pakai sebulan sekali bayar. Arghhhhhhhhhhh lately ni,memang rangkaian telepon making money gila babi. Menipu duit pelanggan gila macam nak haram, riba di mana-mana. Duit gaji sebulan pun tak dapat nak cover expenses semua. Kerja banyak nak gila, berusaha nak dapatkan kejayaan. Tapi habuk pun tarak, yang paling teruk TAIK yang kita dapat. Hmmmm what to do, this is part of life. Nak menganjing, menyalak tiap hari pun tak guna. Hidup di dunia ni memang unfair. Yang kaya makin kaya, yang miskin di tipu dan di jaja. Haih, like other said, tanda-tanda kiamat pun sudah kelihatan pun. Aku malas nak cakap about religion sebab aku pun tak seberapa religious macam orang kat luar tu pun. Aku pun ilmu didada masih tak complete. Tahu mana buruk mana baik, tapi still tak tahu nak taubat. Ye lah, muda kan. Nak enjoy dulu life yang tak seberapa ni. Party, kawan, lepak, seronok menjadi pilihan. Duduk rumah, baca buku, sembahyang menjadi pilihan terakhir. Biasa lah, kami remaja. Nak seronok, tapi sampai bila je pun seronok ni. Alih-alih mengadap gak menatang beban apa semua tu. Aku pun tak sempurna, tapi this is note to myself. One day, InsyaAllah. Aku harap aku dapat berubah lebih baik dari sekarang. Memang lah dah berkerjaya apa semua, tapi aku masih terumbang-ambing. Hidup aku masih tak tersusun, tapi aku dah ada kerjaya. Camne tu? renung-renungkan lah pun tak guna gak. Relax, lepas tu pikir panjang-panjang, and i'll make good decision very soon. Ohh yeah

bad luck.

2011-04-04T19:46:00.000+08:00

i'm not good in using love words but at least i tried. Shit happens all the time. Last nite, I went out with Alap. Had coffee at OLD TOWN, Pavillion. I miss that dude seriously. He's been busy with his class and i'm busy with my work, so luckily had time to meet up. Then we were thinking about going to karaoke, but thing turns out bad. Alap lost his motorcycle. FUCK PEOPLE WHO STOLE IT, I HOPE YOUR MOTHER DIE IN CANCER. Weekend spent with friends, sleepover at Ishad's house. Met up with Tom and others. Seriously, i spent my time with sleeping but it never get enough. I wanna free getaway. Kalau lah kaya, wa dah pergi australia dah. hikshikshiks

delicate

2011-03-27T16:24:00.000+08:00

the reason why i'm not interested to fall in love with my own best friend is because i don't want to lose him at the end. it'll risk a big time. you hold my hands, and i'm so sure it just a feeling which you cares about me, not more than that. but the way you touched me, its way different than before. as your eyes lay and straight to my eyes, its different than before. i don't know what is this. i know its just a lust, not more than that. but hey, soon enough, maybe i'll understand. we're both shared a lot of things and this is soon going to be serious. asked ya for having a girlfriend, but its seems that i had my own choice. but le sigh

i wud like to name my babies start from D

2011-03-17T07:10:00.000+08:00

we just keep moving whether death or broken heart or someone leaves you or you leaves someone, no matter what condition and faith you gone thru you've just to be strong and continue your journey. thats what life's about. forget about the past and continue what you've started. life goes easy if you've set your mind and not to bother the littlest things. i'm ignorant. i admit it. because i just feel like better off that way. or maybe not. i just don't want to show how clever myself is and what for? to gain respect from others? raise money? maybe. thats part of life. and i hate dick. the end

..

2011-02-24T20:57:00.000+08:00

when you're sink down, no one theres to reach your hands. no one, literally. if you think there's one, bullshit. all of em will leave you alone, face your faith by your own self. i broke someone's heart and i dont feel great. bye

brrrrrrrr

2011-02-19T13:50:00.000+08:00

missing all my girls. i need em so much now :(
i dont need any dude in my arm now. i want the girls, all busy with their own stuff. who to call now? hmmm
i hate life nowadays. been busy with works some more. till words came out from a guy told me that work is my number one priority and him drop on 3th league. what to do sayang, i'm so busy. so to someone (u know who u are) like i said before, I GOT YOU!

ignite

2011-02-13T16:23:00.000+08:00

lobang tingo hambo dah besar 5mm. hambo buak sendiri je. kalo kawe ngat hambo pergi hantar kodai buak lobang bosau ni, memang tak ah. cite die, memang wa buat sendiri je pe. gila wei! ingat nak beli lagi plug or tak pun spiral gauge besar sket, aku dah membuang duit je beli menatang haram tu. mahal sial. but nais ah. -..-

aku kerja keras, pe salah nya aku beli untuk diri aku mahal sikit kan. bil broadband dah settled. so sekarang whats the deal? kerja lagi ah. eleh, relax je puts. semua macam kacang je

leave me till i numb

2011-02-12T00:00:00.000+08:00

i moved on so fast. i never really noticed that, until i checked on the date. it was just a week after i broke off, then it was like a blink. tadaaa! you've a bf! -..- Puts, whats wrong with you? you never really like this before. Enough Puts, its time for you to think about ur life. thats it!

2011-02-03T02:42:00.000+08:00

IT EASY TO SAY RATHER THAN DO IT.

FML

take a bullet straight to my brain.

2011-01-23T04:16:00.000+08:00

Only God know what i feel right now. To someone, we're so good back then and now please moving on. Im not trying to be mean or selfish but you need to do as i did before. We're both so in loved and looks so good back then but now, you got your life. Seriously, its for our own good. I wasn't have fun making this decision, you think that i feel happy to letting you go? No, you're my good friend. You're good listener, but guess I just should leave it all behind. Its not that i hate you, but theres no spark between us anymore. I know, it sounded a bit harsh but sorry, this is the only way i can tell you. I tried so hard to letting this happen smoothly, but Gosh its hard. It'll never turns out easily. So take good care A, you're nice guy and you deserve a girl a lot better than me.

p/s: happy birthday, wish all the best for you.

tossed

2011-01-22T00:45:00.000+08:00

good times come and go, and i just stick to thing and finish up what i just started. lifes not easy as it seems. typical things happen most of the time. i act abnormal when comes to babbling, nagging stuff out from my parent's mouth. i can't disobey nor i shout or yell or scream towards em, uh uh. not good. i was simply exhausted with these. God, can i just runaway from em? the answer is "NO!" okayy, fine.take it or leave it Puts.Well, what can i say, 2011 not that so good beginning for me i guess. Lifes turn upside down, weight gained. feel fat all the time, missed the old days, so much. serious shit. you cannot believe what i imagined for the past few years. lifes shit. nahh, no no nah uh. theyre not that shit, we are the shit. we making this hard. like seriously, when cant this all stop? well, where the ends come, everything for sure settle! haha ive done much with mocking, poking others. but actually, lately i put alot more attention to my life, i dont fucking give damn about others because you know what? mine are never simple as i wanted so badly. i want to live in planet where i can spend money on pants. lol ok shut up, I dont even know what to do right now. i spend time only with Tom, Muiz, Pali, my older sister, my lil sister, my bf (on internet only) zzzzzzzzzzzzz lifes suck! FML! need to paid more focus in work. HUHAH!

zzzzzzzzzzzz

2011-01-20T18:58:00.000+08:00

confirmation letter? (CHECKED) oh yeah, got em. after 3 months in prohibition, got confirmed. ahoii!! after this kena serious sket puts. Jangan banyak main. :3

found new love

2011-01-15T16:28:00.001+08:00

its quite challenging for both of us because we're in long-distance relationship. He's in Melbourne and I'm in Kuala Lumpur. But whenever we talked, chat, webbie, it feels like we're close. i miss him all the times like seriously plus we're in same age. Gosh, first time I dated guy in my age and hes sweet. I thanked to God for having him and im wishing and wish and keep on wishing he'll come back home very soon because Good God, you don't know how much i miss you and love you, keep the faith on me sayang. i'll be stay and waiting for you all the times. xx :)

die

2011-01-03T15:33:00.000+08:00

i considered myself as a wasted youth. waste too much time on life without any encouragement from others to live the life more better. I waste my time. waste too much money and waste my fucking life to the one who's aren't suppose i rely on. he's just a lust, to me. i didn't take him serious and to me, i just don't know. To whom i should i care, to whom i should love. Never i really want to bother. Lifes miserable at best but i'm the one who suffer the most. i said im good but it aint that good. i said i'm alright, but it aint that right. CHEERS for the failure that you've done Puts. *sheshe nii..................................

all the studded grain

2011-01-02T03:30:00.001+08:00

I'm not a fans of love nor relationship nor commitment. For me, love comes in any different way. Soon enough, when I really ready for it then it'll happen once again. Note to someone, its not that i'm not love you, it just the situation making things goes hard. Its not you, its me. I could turn upside down the world for you, but have no chance for that. It wasn't suppose to be this way, but I hope you just understand and start live good life. I know you could, I know you should do that. Don't wait, just don't. Keep your life moving on. I'm not rich enough to take care of myself so do you. We're poor, still. The Almighty is the richest one. So I've no power to deny any single path given by HIM. I wish, and wishing to wishing well that you'll be safe. Have a good life while you deserve have em.

I've thinking about doing earplug, what do you think?
I've thinking of losing weight, what ya think?
I've thinking of prepare myself a note to death. lol
I've thinking about losing self-conscious, tett.
I've thinking about getting married to my bestfriend. Haha
I've thinking about well, I just want have babies.
I've thinking about work hard, double up the work hard. oo yeah
I've thinking about asking HR department to raise up my salary.
I've thinking of you boy, naughty boy who haunt me in my sleep.
I've thinking about well, have a happy period and sleep. duh.

this is the new chapter

2011-01-01T12:26:00.001+08:00

new layout, waiseh. New chapter. New Book to open. New life to be surrender. FML! but anyhow, kerja kerja kerja -.-" ok bye

Two Oh Ee-Leh-Ven

2011-01-01T01:05:00.000+08:00

So here goes, WELCOME to 2011, goodbye oh-TEN. We're loving the 2011 atmosphere, lovely * Sarcastically. YEAH! New year, new spirit, new hobby, new adventure and new headache to come. lol FML! Takpe, relax je. But anyhow, i enjoyed my new year eve with Tom, Eshut, Pali. Tho just celebrated at KFC, at the mean time dapat tengok FIREWORK in any edge of town. seriously, not bad ah. Call Daryll, SCREAMED Happy New year. It was fun, and shitness wish DRYL was here with us. It'll be more fun if he's here. haiyaaa. Neway, it was fun experienced tho its kinda LAME but takpe, still got lot more to go. Anyhow, I wish and hope everyone all the best and have a HAPPY NEW YEAR to all MLYSIAN! ;)

DFD

2010-12-24T23:54:00.000+08:00

woah, so much things happened lately ni. seriously i fucking have no idea, i heard about what happened to Paramore, look the Farro's bros leave the band. a bit shock, but to me its normal. it happened to other bands oso right? but however, to me THE FARRO'S so fuking good musician but who knows right. what happen in their band, only they knows. any speculation, fake gossip, smelly rumors can go die lah, anyhow Paramore still the best.

Dumbfoundead in KL now! *screamed. ok done. last thursday night, happened his first show in KL but i fucking didn't managed to see him because 21+ above only can enter, fuck. but luckily this Sunday got free showcase, hikshiks but at the same day RCKTHWRLD happening. fuck....
can i just drop by at Times Square, hug DFD, then off to RCKTHWRLD? HAHAHAHHAHA!!

shtnesss, lifes bitch.

prolly

2010-12-19T21:09:00.000+08:00

life's good LG! duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.............dingdongdingdong.
perut lapar, lepak cam ehem je skrg. not bad ahh. tapi, i handsome kan skrg? nak tgk cmne handsome i? ahhh japp jappp

no sleep tonight

2010-12-11T20:51:00.000+08:00

see you again, i will see you again.

i drown my believe

2010-12-07T22:17:00.000+08:00

sudah, punah...................................... ok dah. letih. seriously, i think alot till i cant figure much about myself. i'm drown, literally i've done bad bad bad decision. bad bad girl. lol running away from everything won't just settle anything. it'll put me in a place where sometimes we'll feel kinda bad about ourself. it just that i'm not feeling well. i just don't have anybody, i just have God, my parent and friends. still, it never enough. even simple word can't even describe how i feel right now. i'm blank. gotta go, i need to wake up early tomorrow. work work work. TATA! lovesss

wanna get laid? wakkakakakakak!

2010-12-05T10:35:00.000+08:00

fuhh, letih letih. memang letih and its sunday. its about time for me to get rest in peace. lol but i want to go pasar seni ah today, catch bmx comp, and others. i had really fun by myself, tho sometimes i felt kinda lonely. its like walking alone and feeling so cold. no want theres to keep you warm but hey thats what life is. chill jah brah. everything will be just fine, is it?

kuikuikui. ilek je

2010-11-27T09:04:00.000+08:00

if you can wait till i get home, everything's will be alright. TOINK TOINK! boring. now its about time to experimenting. i'm done being serious, so now enjoy the path of my life. They've got me on the outside, looking in but I can't see at all, like seriously. i don't give a fucking damn about other people's thinking or thought about me right now because what i feel now is the time for me to think about me. i had enough pity and feel empathy about others but end up with none. so right now better think about my job life blah blah. meeting new peeps, so who cares. i don't want to argue much about love no more. seriously, lets live the life.

cubbbbbbbbbbbbbbssssssssssssssssss!!

2010-11-19T23:05:00.000+08:00

letih. zzzz ngantuk. mampus ko lah kan cite dia. umghh sudah lah. things will never be the same. i know right. i'm so fucking messed. you're a angel and i'm a devil. you don't choke every words you said, but i did. so later lah. hisap kondom banyak-banyak. aku ngantuk and fucking tired. i know i'm a messed and you're not. please god, praise to Him, give me strength. sudah sudah lah drama ni. lets have some fun the beat is sick, i wanna take a ride on your disco's stick, not bad lah wakakakakak! suda lah. merepek jah kerja aku ni. tettt

clear than cloud

2010-11-14T01:32:00.000+08:00

well well well well well well! thinking about vacation. hrmmmm where, when ? end of this month after we get our pay check, we'll see what we'll do with it. spend it on CLOTHES, SHOES, zzzzzzz -_-"

tom made a good idea, thought about going to Genting Highlands. not bad not bad, but WHO'S IN?! anybody whoever wants to join us, please do contact us.. we want to have fun together gether. oiseh
since all of us working, so its not a big deal to spend money kan kan kan. ALAH, beli BB boleh :P

nowadays, macam best jah. kawan all over my world. oiseh. semua dah ada. happy :) love love love ..
love you olls. lol :P

oooooooiii

2010-11-05T22:28:00.002+08:00

love em with all my heart.

seriously i had full fun with em.

bowling, karaoke. aced !

next time, the day will come. oh yeah :)

shopping

2010-11-04T07:29:00.000+08:00

well, today i'm thinking about getting myself a necklace. since i already got pay check, so i really don't have any brilliant idea. like shitty, i went to sungei wang last night, my mind fully blank. -_- i have the money but i'm stuck. oooo ....... so today, i decided to go Forever 21. nak shopping sorang-sorang. malaih nak ajak ramai-ramai. and one more thing nak pergi, ehemmmm. we'll see about it. lol so have fun :)

fuhh akhirnya

2010-10-24T13:57:00.000+08:00

first thing first, AKU DAPAT TENGOK PARAMORE hari selasa lepas, nais bodoh. eventho duduk atas sekali pun, memang not bad ah. seronok sebab dapat tengok hayley mengila. comel gila. aduii comel nya.

then last night, PROGNOSIS: DEATH! nya release party, nais ahh. memang nais. but lagi nais kalau semua ada semalam, umghhh :(( tapi apa-apa pun memang had fun, and wishing all the best to my friends.
so dah takde benda nak cakap dan tulis dah, aku letih. i need more fucking rest and sleep. so take care bebeh. love ya. waisehhhh

pants bes

2010-10-16T10:35:00.000+08:00

pagi sabtu ni, jadi bongok lak aku. ngantuk gila babi ni. minum nestum oat pun tak jalan gak ngantuk ni. cibai lah. hari ni, tinggal aku, kak mimie,kak linda, and raj dalam office ni. boring bodoh. nak je lepas abis kerja ikut dorg gi ipoh, ada northern fest kat sana, tapi duit lak tak mengizinkan. kimak lagi. boring gila. huh -_-"

minggu depan dah konsert paramore, ticket aku tak beli beli lagi. dengar cerita yang ticket murah dah sold out, umgghh orang malaysia mampu beli ticket murah je kot. entah, mana tau lah miracle happens. who knows. tapi lantak ah, ada duit pergi, tade duit takyah pergi. tengok je video kat youtube nanti, mana tahu sapa-sapa upload video dorg perform.

esok hari ahad, aku nak rehat secukupnya. aku nak tidur best best. kasi badan aku nais je, nanti isnin takde lah lesu lesu ke pe. dah lah, sudah lah dengan aku punya bebel dan rengetan ni. apa saja. so take care lah, pepahal kawan-kawan contact di number ni 0101010101. nais kan.. tettt -__-"

xoxoxoxoxox putsy

pudidididididid

2010-10-11T22:22:00.001+08:00

life's great, success is so fucking nice but to have it, so fucking hard. working my ass off, wishing and hoping that i can do much better in my job life. what i have now was so hard to believe, i can't fucking believe that i made to this level. but i've to start for the bottom, basic things. its okay, i'm fine with that. it doesn't matter that much. at least i've task to do with. so bye bye lah, takde benda nak tulis. letih.

xoxoxoxoxo putsy

so far, sohai! siao wei!

2010-10-09T16:40:00.000+08:00

dua hari berkerja, meja sendiri, pc sendiri, password sendiri, baju kemeja, seluar slack, aircond, paperwork, event, huha. lek je. baru lagi, tak banyak kerja lagi. soon, tengok je. mampuih lepas ni rabak brah -.-"

sekarang geng-geng office, bengang je bf aku kalau aku cakap camtu. wahahahahahaha! aku kerek dengan dia, well. biar ahh kerek. wahahhaha lek je bang, takpe lahhhh~ embekkkkk!!

plus sekarang ni, bila tengok laki handsome, aku hilang selera. handsome je, nak kasi makan anak bini satu hari nanti, mampu?? oish. dia laki handsome ni for sure spend money for his clothes, underwear g-string, shade, aviator, leather jacket. oh so urbanism. lol hahaha! dah lah, kelakar jah cite tu. diam diam la. kang mampuih aku nya blog kena "virus" kang.

so i really fcuking exhausted. i need to rest. last nite was hectic and bermandi peluh dengan gig. ikut afwan, at the same time jumpa tom and budak asthalin lain. nice lah show tu, pasal murah makan free lagi. oish. tapi aku tak makan lah, betul-betul tengok show, tengok si afwany tunjuk lagak dia tu. yea lah, abang hardcore kan. wahahaha! kena lah picit perut dengan dia nanti ni -_-"

so sudah lah cite remeh temeh sambal belacan aku ni, aku nak buat homework. life must go, tetiba. haha

they don't care about us

2010-10-08T03:13:00.000+08:00

i've always loved him and sincerely i get so excited when i watch his videos. it was amazing and one of my favorite video is "they don't care about us" from Micheal Jackson. this song literally gives a big impact because it means too much and he did really puts a strong message in his song. "beat me, hate me, you can never break me, will me, thrill me, you can never kill me, jew me, sue me,everybody do me, hit me, kick me, don't you black and white me" he inspired me and this song seriously give me a strength because i know, they don't really care about us. i don't fucking care about illumination. i'm not the one who craving for world luxury. i stand for myself, i don't let other people jeopardize myself and life. i stand for truth eventho sometimes truth never sets me free.

he looks good in this video. damn, he looks so sweet and handsome too. breath-taking. arghhh.hehehe :P rest in peace micheal :)

sudah lah ko!

2010-10-07T00:47:00.000+08:00

dang. dude, i need to update something. memory card gua dah nak expired. cerita baru takde lagi. where's the fucking good and hot news? damn. tu lah, lama sangat tak bersosial. sosial pun dekat facebook je, but tu pun tak good enough. maybe zaman tu dah habis kot, maybe sekarang zaman untuk aku bertenang dan bertendang. hrmmmm maybe betul lah tu, dah tua. wahahha! tua lagi. aku baru 18, dah terikut dengan bf aku lah tu. tett. no offense my dear :P funny! ohh yeah. duhh. lately ni rambut aku dah makin teruk. macam fuck lah tu. mau baling jah dalam perigi. perah limau atas kepala, nak buang ketombe. stress kan, makan pun tak jaga kan. mau jadi apa lah dia ni. jadi beruk lah tu! counting days ni, nervous ni. omgadd!! ye ye je dia tu jumaat ni ada show kat ampang, afwan perform, asthalin pun perform. dapat lah lepak buang masa sekejap. teehee dengar lagu fall out boy lah. terkenang memory lama. waisehh!

ohoi ohai ohui ohei

2010-10-05T15:31:00.000+08:00

2 more days to go and i'm off with work life. hah. seriously, i did lots of homework and read lots of english book to improve my english because sadly my english gets really worst lately ni. lack of reading one of the reason tho. but now, sudah rajin lah dioooo. i've no reason to be ashame to tell about THIS. malu gapo dio. ahahaha so jumaat ni bermula lah hidup baru, waiseh. hahaha ok lah, malas nak tulis banyak. Jom lah dengar REIGN SUPREME. NAK MENAMBAHKAN SEMANGAT. WAHAHAHA!

happy shangait.

2010-10-01T22:34:00.002+08:00

DUDE!! I GOT THE JOB, HELL YEAHHHHH!!!!

windblowsjob

2010-10-01T01:57:00.000+08:00

huurahh. eventho i'm so fcuking lazy to update this blog but i'm willing to do it. no hal lah, can type in any seconds. waiseh. so done with my interview, so just waiting for the call. importante call from the HR department. finger crossed, hoping i get the job. good god, oh please. ching ching! i spent much time alot with my akak angkat. and done lots of window shopping but actually we didn't really bought anything. spend money on food. went to LOT 10, sg wang, bb plaza, fahrenheit apa jadah yang baru buka tu. drop by kejap kat vincci store. very nice doh. then off to pavi, tengok baju kat cotton on and forever 21. oish. rambang mata sial. then pergi KLCC lak, buang masa sementara nak tunggu kereta akak angkat aku siap. lepak dengan Tom, muiz, paly. LAMA BHA TAK JUMPA DORG TU. nais lah, share share cite. lepas tu naik lah putra, gerak sama dengan tom sebab dia pun nak pergi wangsa maju, kitaorg nak pergi taman melati. one way jah. heh fuck letih sial. sumpah letih, ahhh ye lah. jalan non stop kot. umghhh amgregg betul. ye lah, mana tau lah kan. kalau dapat kerja, hehe ye lah, spent time masa lebih-lebih sket. nanti dah tak dapat dah. oishh seremm je. tapi takpe lah, aku mengubat penat aku dengan gelak kuat-kuat tengok video cikgu shida MIMING stacy jahat dekat youtube. aced!! terbaik bodoh!! kelakar cam nak mampus. haih mcm2 je video skrg. but tape lah, mengubat sanubari ni. waisehhh!! hahahahahaha! yah yah jah ko tu kan. pantek....

job.work.

2010-09-29T01:02:00.000+08:00

sore throat. serious fucking shit. i hated it. attack me once again. how the fuck can i make it go away? common advice=drink lots of water. ok lame. agh, i got it as soon as i arrived at home. today the weather a bit hot but windy. today i went to hotel park royal at bukit bintang. i was recommended by farain to apply the job. i'm interested about front office department,receptionist department,operator, etc. but i've been offered to work as sales coordinator. its a bit challenging eventho its making money job and frankly i say, its fucking tough. i never been there before, never experience it so i'm afraid that i won't be able to cope up with that job plus i've to travel in many places and have to do observation about properites, low rate, inquiries and blah blah blah. dude, its beyond from what i know. shit. i'm so afraid. so mrs. maggie lee said that she will call me to inform the next interview, so i'll just wait for it. then i off back home, took train. i was so fucking exhausted and tired. as soon as i arrived safe at home, mum asked how it goes. it was fine enough for me and mrs. maggie lee said that i'm a one confident person. she said that i might can do very good job, but who knows aye. scared -.-

but mum and dad wasn't interested to hear about the offer because they knows more better than me and they didn't really likes it. so they said better let down the offer and just work as receptionist or what so ever because its better work in the hotel. its save. but who knows, finger cross. wish me luck :)

straight to my face

2010-09-27T15:01:00.000+08:00

i dont want to live with the straight face, emo, living in depression. ah, its fucking not me tho. i feel weird. nahh, i dont wanna be a weirdo. i starting to hates someone , but i cant even hated him. i dont know why because i dont feed myself with hatred. musim sekarang ni pun asyik hujan saja, macam aku ni ha. hujan je memanjang. weekend kalau ada open house, pergi jelah. kosong kan perut, kosong kan tangan. heh. nak fikir pasal orang lain pun takde selera. lebih berselera tengok makanan je. dengar lah lagu hatebreed. biasa lah, ikut mood. kadang lagu fast, kadang lagu slow. emo jah ko tu. heh. rindu yang lama, yang baru tak semestinya seronokkan. hidup ni, ahh biasa lah hidup. "ko ngn life ko, aku ngn life aku" <-- the same line i heard so fucking many times. sekarang ni nak kerja, aku dah siapkan resume aku. will see about that, who knows right. dapat kerja, kerja saja lah aku. malas lah mahu fikir fikir pasal orang lain dah. nanti dah berkerja, ada life baru. takyah aku nak fikir pasal KO, KO DAN KOOO TUU!!

God knows me better than you do

2010-09-25T23:42:00.000+08:00

depressed. seriously, i fucking intense. you'll never know how i feel. i'm sick and tired, (not again,-.- i know, i know) i need God, i need Him to feed me strength. i'm weak and lost. i just feel uncomfortable. my body aching, my mind not working. i dont wish to be with someone, i dont need someone to comfort me. i dont, i only needs God wtih me. i dont want any human being try to give me advice or what so ever because i heard the same line many times. now i can only sleep when i have the sleeping pills. i dont wanna take it as habit. like seriously, its starting get into me. shitty. i'm so afraid. not afraid to death, but afraid to live. all i got to say is that my life really not what i expected.

still water still

2010-09-22T04:55:00.000+08:00

give me a week. seriously, i need only a week for me to think about it. hahh. easy Puts. cool maggot. lol

I'm so unsure right now. typical life making me crazy. online and sing to song at youtube. i feel like a mannequin. walking mannequin, alive but faked. shit. bang me hard dude. i need to live in reality not fantasy. and now i feel alone, lonely as you. i cry so many nights and so many times. can't even sing for happy song. don't feel like to be in happy mood. its just seems so different.

awak lelaki yang baik

2010-09-21T00:24:00.000+08:00

hari ini menangis non stop, this week have been the hardest week for me. kalau nak difikirkan, actually aku dah boleh buta dah. asyik melalak je kerja. sebut ayat tu sikit je dah touching. mata macam waterfall. oish sedihkan, mengenangkan diri ni. mengenangkan bertapa bodoh nya diri ini. umgh.. lantak lah.
kepada yang tercinta, saya minta maaf dari hujung umbun rambut ni hingga ke hujung jari kaki. tapi apa yang saya buat tu, sebenarnya tak patut dimaafkan tapi awak baik, awak maafkan saya. saya patut beruntung, tapi saya ni memang dasar tak mengenang budi. saya rasa awak deserve wanita yang lebih baik, sebab awak seorang lelaki yang paling baik pernah saya jumpa. tak pernah lagi jumpa dengan orang cam awak, you're like the first guy i met which paling nice. wanita yang dapat berkahwin dengan awak nanti will be the luckiest women in earth. serious. semoga kita masih boleh kekal sebagai kawan or apa saja. asalkan awak ada untuk saya, saya dah cukup bahagia.

konfius nii.. camne niii..

2010-09-19T19:57:00.000+08:00

the old memories haunting me. sadly, i can't erase it from my mind. its been a year since it happened but now it came and blew my heart away. i refuse and i confuse. which i'd go, which i'd pick. dangg, i could really use a wish right now and my wish is to erase everything and runaway from it. to face it is so hard. my heart aching. my tummy feel like ahhh can't even describe it. fucking drowsy right now. plus last night, i dreamt. its so weird. effin weird. seriously, now i really don't want to talk about guy or love, serious relationship. and blah blah. i can't even handle my life, so boleh ke nak handle commitment ? commitment payah brah. macam jaga kambing tau tak. aku nak hidup bahagia pun, tak dapat. pasal apa? pasal banyak fikir masalah. nak fikir orang ni, orang itu. pasal aku tak lepas lepas. hidup aku ini macam pasal orang lain je, bukan pasal aku. lantak lah dengan diri aku ni. asyik nak puaskan hati orang je, hati sendiri tak reti nak puaskan. sampai satu saat nanti, aku boleh jadi gila. gila pun gila lah, masuk hospital tanjung rambutan, duduk sorang sorang, sana pun environment not bad. better dari Kuala Lumpur yang sosak ni.

beschaven je geest

2010-09-18T17:44:00.000+08:00

i actually don't really know what i really want. seriously, what's the point of living in this world? well, its us and how we gonna survive in here. its way better if we're not living here i guess. can i pick another planet to live in? nope. you got no other choices. this is the only planet you can live in. you got air to breathe, you got water to drink, you got whole lot things in here. so why don't you shut up and live? hrmmm okay then brah. i lived!
lol

feeling like wanna go out and jogging. lose some weight, perfect! when? umghhh.. tett. i don't know. you should ask the boss. Hello BOSS, when will you? hrmm not sure. next year i guess. lol i got stretch marks and it is intense to see it. hah cellulite, shitty. i must need to burn some fat. see, i try not to nag about my life, but i've reason to nag about. feeling like wanna get married now, why? because i had enough with teenage life. i want to be business women who can run multimillionaire company and being a mogul. ohh yeah, in my fucking dream. but don't look down on me, i know i might be one. who knows right. God has our future. umghh..

have faith in me

2010-09-16T14:21:00.000+08:00

sory

2010-09-14T18:02:00.000+08:00

i'm so sorry. i need more time for myself. i'm still young and i need to discover more about life. its not you, its me, i know i didn't mean to hurt you by making this decision. but its good for both of us.

Au revoir et merci, désolé

2010-09-14T14:03:00.000+08:00

i'm living in denial. so honestly now i end up with none. its not about hate but the feeling are just not the same as before.theres no spark. i don't want to be with someone just because i only cares and just don't want him to feel like what i've felt before. all i just want is to be honest about my feelings. i smiled but i pretend. i'm happy but i'm sick. fuck life sometimes. life is hard, die is easy but life after death will haunt me o.O
it feels so hard for both of us to continue our separate way, but thats the only way it goes. it wasn't easy for me to tell him this. but still, i will always love him for what matter is.

Selamat menyambut hari raya Aidilfitri

2010-09-09T01:50:00.000+08:00

i have nothing interesting to offer. and got no time to post raya's card for this eid. seriously, i managed done doing photos write with some typical, i mean original speech that always other peep keeps saying. because i literally didn't have any good idea. so here goes, my raya's photos wishing all muslim Selamat Hari raya, maaf zahir dan batin. ikhlas dari saya Puteri Amira Karmila benheesam.

ahhh raya

2010-09-08T05:34:00.000+08:00

semalam, temankan afwan ke mall. dia nak beli seluar jeans, kemeja, tees. dapat murah je. beli jeans dekat GOGGLES cost about rm43, see how smart i am. if i'm not bump into the shop, we won't find cheapest jeans sold there. dapat baju baru, bracelets baru. hehe thanks sayang. next time nak watch lak kekekekekekek love you sayang, mwah mwah :) and SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI TO SEMUA YANG MENYAMBUT NYA.

damn

2010-09-06T01:57:00.001+08:00

fuck. what a good word to start. LOL

i really feel so disappointed because my parent decided to celebrate Aidilfitri in KL,

hrmm why not Ipoh? why not Melaka? damn.

KL, maybe okay. still i can visit my friends who celebrate in KL.

but feel not fun. i want to feel like celebrate in kampung.

firecracker, lemang, ketupat, rendang. :(

shit. but best part is my baju kurung done. happy and stoked.

i only need to buy myself a high heel maybe. hrmm i wonder.

long lock

2010-09-05T01:58:00.000+08:00

i'm so not gonna get myself a new haircut because i just want to let my hair grow longer. since i felt so regret that i cut my hair past 2 years. its okay. things happened for reason. now i'm happy. grow longer my darling, i won't cut you anymore. this time, i promise you. teehee

dilemma, not again

2010-09-04T04:14:00.002+08:00

i've made my decision that i might only buy the 98 ringgit ticket for Paramore's concert. its actually kinda hard for me to accept it. but i've to face the fact that i also want money to go shopping. damn it. but its okay, eventhough i only see em like a tiny ant which jumping all over the stage but i don't care. as long as i can see em perform live, its good enough for me. i asked afwan also to join me, and seriously, in my heart. i fucking want to be near the stage *le sighed. thats ok. i'll wait for my paycheck. who knows right. teehee

feud? just sympathy for them.

2010-09-02T04:27:00.001+08:00

i'm so upset with malaysia-indonesia feud. i really wish that the drama can be over as soon as possible, i seriously don't like some of indonesian and malaysian attitude where they try to bragging all of things about both country. it was pretty sad because we're both country had a good relationship before, but then it turns out and super ridiculous to fight over something which is so un-relevant. people gets extremely mad and tried lead the case into major problem. Theres some of un-civic minded indonesian who burned Malaysia's flag. it was unappropriate behavior that seriously can't be accepted. We're Malaysian shouldn't be emotional or try fight back what they've done, eventhough it was seriously over the line, but we've have to be patient. not to bragging and try to fight back because all we know that Allah s.w.t always with us. We're Malaysian got lots more to think about, and we're a civilize country. so we proud for what we have :)

lay back and enjoy the show

2010-09-02T04:00:00.000+08:00

if you're a highschooler? act like one. do not act like you know everything. i've been there before, and seriously i puts myself low down to ground because i know, being stuck up lead us nowhere. i really dont know why these days lots of teenager do not know how to respect people who are more older than them. see, you can figure out wisely. i'm here just to speak out about this. because i've seen lots of kids don't know how to grow up. its not that i try to condemn anybody but i also realised i did make the same mistakes. i apologize for what i did. so now, don't mess up your life, do just what i did in picture above, lay back and enjoy the drama show. it quite nice seeing other people mess up your own life.

smile beneath the pain

2010-09-01T05:14:00.000+08:00

i wasted too much times thinking about getting 358 ringgit for paramore's ticket. fuck. how the fuck can i get 358 ringgit for like 1 month and half from now? shitness. eid is just around the corner, its like 10 days from now.
hoyeah, raya! can't wait. already done with shopping, NOT! still got some more to grab. i want to have a great eid this year. no tears.

shitty

2010-08-31T03:06:00.000+08:00

neglect myself, him and our relationship for awhile, its not that i don't care. it just i need my own space. growing up is hard. i fucking tired of responsible. my body aching, i need someone to comfort me. i do have one, and won't tell who's he. its easy when having someone like him. i'm right now in mood where i want to spend time with my family and friends. i hate commitment, sometimes. but i'd not refuse him in my life. he's still the one that matter for me. but just for second, give me my own space.

news: Paramore's ticket akan di jual start 1st september,
bad news: 358 RINGGIT for rock zone free standing. -_-" mahal sial.

reaching as i sink down into life

2010-08-29T05:08:00.000+08:00

What a shame we all became, such fragile broken things,

A memory remains, Just a tiny spark,

I give it all my oxygen, to let the flames begin,

So let the flames begin.

i give up to much things. feels regret. hoping i can turn back time, where the time

i was a young child.

arghhhhhh!!

2010-08-27T02:45:00.000+08:00

a dream comes true. yeah, i'm feeling like jumping all over the place knowing that Paramore is going to play a concert in KL for this 19th October, hoping it happen for good. seriously, i feeling so happy because last time i didn't managed to see em in Singapore, but thankfully, they're going to play here. Wooooooooo!! I'm so going to buy their tickets A.S.A.P! Hoping that Junk will making our dream surely comes true, i'm so fucking stoked about it. Youth in Malaysia are so happy and seriously wildly excited. i really can't wait to see them live. and i might be sleeping at KLIA, waiting for they to arrive in KL, okay no. i'm so not gonna act like crazy cunt. haha Also, paramore will be performing at MTV VMA awards on September 12th alongside Eminem, Kanye West, Justin Bieber, B.o.B (possibly singing "Airplanes"? who knows.), Drake (arghhhh please do sing "Best I ever had") and Florence and the Machine. I've voted Paramore "ignorance" video for the best rock video on MTV.Com I cross my finger, hope that Paramore win :) hoyeahh!

flatterer

2010-08-26T17:39:00.001+08:00

i've read lots of sucking ass comment, what i mean is a toady. i've seen a lot of girls "girly" talk, which is kinda puking when we read it. kinda gross sometimes which they act so fake, which so not them,haih what a plastic.but i admitted i've done that before too, but not too much because you know what i mean is clearly they are a person who praises and is artificially pleasant to people in authority, usually in order to get some advantage from them and try to bragging how nice they are. haha! funny ass. but beware of them tho, because they seriously gonna take advantage over yourself. better watch out. haha

let's the flame begin

2010-08-26T00:05:00.000+08:00

oh,glory. come to me. i miss you, haven't see you for long times. wait a minute? how long it was?
oo, i guess its about 1 month. enough said, i've been missing you. you know what, without you my life goes upside down. shitness, i hate it living in the mood. but now, i'm a free willy.
i've treated well now. i'm so fully satisfied for what i feel now. seriously, before..i stuck and feels so lifeless, i ashamed of myself. i don't know. my head gets really heavy. but luckily, i got my friends and family with me.

i've through hard times and seriously, i gave up life. i destroy everything i had, but then, as i thought and figured, i said to myself that i can live my life much better if i put out all the bad thinking that i have in myself. so now, i feel more positive about life. i really feel grateful for having him in my life, i don't know if i can't live without him. hmm.

Je ne suis qu'une merde pour vous

2010-08-24T00:24:00.002+08:00

i don't mind no more. you can put all the blame on my shoulder. i will take responsible on it. i will not deny, i will take it for granted. you don't come and try to comfort me, because i don't need one. i had enough with it. pull your finger on my face, i won't do anything. just smile and take it. yea, its my fault when things happened. you're an angel. who are pure and kind. who didn't do any single sin in your life. i was proud having you. so now, i had enough because i won't wait no more. i will stand for every single things come to my life, because i always had your back, but you? i don't think so that you really cares about me. cares? its only a shit for you. because i worth nothing. to compare me and you, you're most nice person that i ever met, so you can take care.

zxzxxzxzxzxz

Teehee

2010-08-23T01:46:00.000+08:00

4 of us has reunite. i'm so happy. i really did miss this moment, where four of us back together, had wonderful day even its only for secs, its just good enough for me. so hoping for this Aidilfitri soon to come, will brings lots of joy and happiness to us. insyaAllah :)